Have a Kung Fu Christmas!

"I just want a Kung Fu Christmas!"

One of my favorite holiday songs is a parody. But not some dumb ass "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" horseshit. No. This is a lovingly crafted, sublimely executed Motown / Philly soul holiday parody by the National Lampoon Radio Hour circa 1974, the same year Carl Douglas hit it big with his monster disco soul smash: "Kung Fu Fighting." So naturally it follows that a "Kung Fu Christmas" was right around the corner . . .

There's a man comin' today with lots of loot
He got a pimp-mo-sleigh, a red and white fur suit
He's a super-fly guy, and he's awfully cute
He's about to arrive bringing jingle bell jive
Santa Claus is making the Soul Train scene
pickin' out his beard with Afro Sheen
Christmas Eve's comin' with the last minute bustle
Santa tells the elves they better Do the Hustle . . .

Hey Baby, I'd like to do something extra special for you for this Christmas
I thought maybe I'd buy you a big house in the South of France
-- Oh, I don't want to live in France
Well, why don't I buy you a big glass-bottom boat then honey?
-- Oh darlin', I don't want no fish lookin' up my skirt
Well, baby, let me ask you, what do you want for Christmas?
-- Oh baby, I just want a Kung Fu Christmas . . .

"Kung Fu Christmas" was written by Paul Shaffer (that Paul Shaffer) and National Lampoon Radio Hour regular Christopher Guest. It's appropriate to feature the comedy of Guest because I just saw his new film "For Your Consideration" last weekend. It's no where near as good as his brilliant ensemble comedies / mockumentaries Waiting for Guffman, Best of Show, and, of course, This is Spinal Tap. But it's worth seeing if you are a fan. And hell, any film with Parker Posey and Harry Shearer is worth seeing in my book.

Kung Fu Christmas -- National Lampoon Radio Hour (1974)

You might think I'm joking about how much I love this parody. But you'd be wrong.

And no Kung Fu Christmas would be complete without a nod to Carl Douglas' original Kung Fu Fighting. So here's another early Christmas present from los amigos in the form of Adrian Sherwood's remix of Douglas' disco soul classic, courtesy of 2001's Kung Fu Fighting Remix Project. The "dub drenched soundscapes" album includes Kung Fu remixes by the likes of Kid Loco, Noiseshaper, and Don Letts' Dub Cargo. Purchase the Carl Douglas Kung Fu remixes on emusic.

Enjoy. And have a Kung Fu Christmas!

Kung Fu Fighting -- Carl Douglas (Adrian Sherwood On-U-Sound remix)

BONUS: to further round out your Kung Fu Christmas, here's the first 5 minutes ("Hey martial arts fans, are you ready to get your guts kicked out? Well get ready!") from DJ Shadow and Cut Chemist's brilliant Brainfreeze live mix, one of the most impressive mixes ever (and strictly 45 rpms!). A big shout out to Kevin over at So Much Silence for providing me with this more than a year ago. And for your further listening pleasure, we have DJ Enki's "Kung Fu Kwaku" from the Oakland Faders mix tape that Scion made available for free when it won the "Free Up Your Mix" challenge last year.

Kung Fu Kwaku -- DJ Enki (Oakland Faders' mix)

Brainfreeze (Thunder Kick-Turntable King edit) -- DJ Shadow & Cut Chemist

kung fu santa photo by tribe member D.A.

p.s. as promised, and in response to email requests, last year's two holiday posts, "Chanukah's Da Bomb" and "Santa Claus is a Black Man" are on tap. And now that the 12 days of Xmas are upon us and the 8 days of Chanukah are on deck, we'll have a few more new holiday posts over the next 12 days. Happy Festivus!
. . .